It never gets easier.

18 Apr

I wish I could write down some quote on perseverance or hope or magical unicorns that cry along with you and make things better but… I’m too broken for that nonsense right now. Not too long ago I wrote how things were starting to look promising. I could feel the warmth of a tiny ray of sunshine shining it’s way through all the gray.

I’m going to turn 30 this Saturday. I will have no party, no presents, no cake, no dinner, no anything. My life is fucked again. I know I should be mature and again quote something on how money doesn’t matter some Dalai Lama type of thing and just be thankful for what I have.

I’m not thankful. I don’t have shit. There are people out there who are handicapped or have been through excruciating circumstances that have achieved more than I have. I’m ashamed, really. I haven’t done anything. I don’t have anything. All I have is a knack for attracting bad luck and mosquitos.

I’m tired of all this. I’m tired of being poor, living day to day, and having $2.11 in my savings account. Something’s gotta give right?

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