My type of crazy.

10 Jan

My mental breakdowns are few and far between.

I’ve had two major life changing events. The first one happened when I was 8, the second at 29. Both make me feel empty, powerless, worthless.

I guess you can say I’m lucky. I never became an alcoholic, drug user, or prostitute. I never cut myself, starved, or became a daredevil. I stayed pretty normal.

Except for the breakdowns.

They come out of nowhere. Suddenly the sadness overwhelms me. I can’t see. I can’t breathe. The guilt, shame, anger become so heavy and dark that I fall to the ground and cry. They become so strong that I’ve considered buying only paper plates.

They outweigh any other feeling and it’s the one thing love can’t resolve. The depression can last hours or it can last days but it’s always there. Lurking in the back of my head and dragging my spirit down a spiral of self-hatred.

I don’t think there will ever be closure just constant reminders of mistakes and unfortunate timing.

I say this with all my heart…

Live, love, laugh.

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