Vote for my kid.

http://www.parents.com/photos/parents-cover-contest-2013/2013-04-22/x51f

Go to that link and vote for my bebe, please.

It never gets easier.

I wish I could write down some quote on perseverance or hope or magical unicorns that cry along with you and make things better but… I’m too broken for that nonsense right now. Not too long ago I wrote how things were starting to look promising. I could feel the warmth of a tiny ray of sunshine shining it’s way through all the gray.

I’m going to turn 30 this Saturday. I will have no party, no presents, no cake, no dinner, no anything. My life is fucked again. I know I should be mature and again quote something on how money doesn’t matter some Dalai Lama type of thing and just be thankful for what I have.

I’m not thankful. I don’t have shit. There are people out there who are handicapped or have been through excruciating circumstances that have achieved more than I have. I’m ashamed, really. I haven’t done anything. I don’t have anything. All I have is a knack for attracting bad luck and mosquitos.

I’m tired of all this. I’m tired of being poor, living day to day, and having $2.11 in my savings account. Something’s gotta give right?

Bills? Paid, almost.

Dear tax return, thank you.

We were able to pay our cable, water, electricity, and phone bills. You sexy thang you. We were even lucky enough to save some of our pawned possessions.

We had the chance to eat out and not stress over the bill (still under $60 for four). I even got some comfy flats and new flip flops!

Thanks again tax return. You really helped us get on track. We’re not quite there yet but getting closer every damn day.

Live, love, laugh. Actually laugh a lot. Stress kills and gives you wrinkles. Trust me, my face is proof people.

Why can’t there be calm before more calm?

My water was shut off. I have no gas. I feel like a shit parent because I’m so stressed. I have a couple of dollars left in my bank account and won’t be seeing a paycheck or tax refund until the end of March.

That’s a whole lot of surviving with two kids on $2. I feel as though I’m stuck in this huge, deep hole of endless consequences that’s just consuming me ever so slowly.

I keep telling myself to breathe. It’s just not enough anymore.

Probably the best picture ever.

This gem worth at least 1,001 words was shot by my fiancé as I was running around trying to make my sick baby laugh. I know you’re thinking my face should be on magazine covers but let’s face it I’m much too shy and modest. Happy day! Live, love, laugh.

Behold! My before picture.

I’ll be posting more later tonight. I have a lot of toning to do and about 15 lbs to lose. Sexy and I know it! Ha. Live, love, laugh.

PVbody, why’d you have to go and do me like that?

It all happened one beautiful sunny day. I was having my morning cup of deliciousness and checking Instagram when I saw one of my friends in some really cute workout gear.

It was from PVbody.com and she loved them.

I looked them up online and read all their info, even watched a couple of their videos. I loved the idea. You pay $49.95 a month and get awesome brand name workout gear. How could I resist the idea of receiving Lululemon for crying out loud?

I did my very best to budget and saved enough to sign up. It was $39.95 and they were even going to be nice enough to throw in a free tshirt.

Free? I’m in love.

After 3 weeks my order finally arrived in an awesome bright pink bag. I screamed. Jumped up and down. Opened that bag as if my life depended on it.

Black leggings. Bleh. Gray tank top. Bleh. No. Free. Tshirt??? I called and emailed them but never got a response. I finally receive a standard we have read your email response that didn’t explain or apologize anything.

Oh well. I’ll give it another chance. February should make up for it. They were promoting all sorts of free items, Lululemon gift cards, and really fun looking clothes. I was liking and sharing everything as fast as my fingers could press.

I was really excited, believed all the hype, and gave myself a high five for supporting a new business. But it all quickly went down hill.

They charged my credit card the first week of January. So exciting! In 7-10 days I get a spanking new workout outfit!

10 days passed. I call customer service. They can’t find me. I can hear everyone else’s conversations. They’re confused. I ask them if they need my name? Address? Phone number? No luck. But they assure me my package is on its way.

Another week passes by. I call customer service, they still can’t find me. But please be patient your package is on its way.

It’s now nearing February. They finally find me. YOUR PACKAGE IS ON ITS WAY. Some guy named Justin says he will personally send it out and of course include the shirt I was missing from December.

February 1, 2012. I check Facebook. There are a lot of angry customers. PVbody or Ellie, apparently they no longer send out name brand clothes but send you some Ellie gear they design in house, refers to their customers as babes and is making excuses.

Please don’t call me babe. Please explain why you were able to charge all your customers, promote your brand non stop, make all sorts of promises, switch the layout and workings of your entire company but it’s February 3rd and I still don’t have my stuff. Why?

They respond to my post on Facebook. Please call our customer service they’ll sort this out right away. Oh, you mean the number I’ve been calling non stop for 3 weeks? Thanks.

And well, I finally received my clothes minus the shirt from December. Guess what I got? Colorful, innovative workout pieces like the ones I picked while making my style profile?

No.

I received black Ellie capris (I DON’T WEAR CAPRIS) and a white tank top.

Who the motherfuck are you Ellie? I didn’t budget my money to sign up for seriously late, ugly, cheap, uninspiring pieces of clothing from an unknown brand.

I proudly and gladly go out of my way to support small businesses. However, I will not support a company that uses false advertising, promises of free items to reel in customers, and then not deliver.

I WANT MY MONEY BACK.

Hot chocolate dreaming.

A hot chocolate and a warm croissant was all I wanted. I settled for coffee and a piece of cinnamon toast. C’est la vie.

Oh heeeey, still poor.

Here are some quick confessions…

1. I don’t remember the last time I shaved my legs and have now resorted to wearing boxers. I’m a sexy lady.

2. I have given up on deodorant.

3. I farted and blamed it on my baby more than once.

Cool things that have happened…

1. I learned to make some pretty tasty salsas.

2. I’ve worn and hit all my daily goals with my Fuel Band for a month! Don’t get too excited I’m still chubby but totally adorable.

3. I’ve stopped eating horrible calorie drenched meals after 8pm.

In case you were wondering…

Yes, we’re still poor and in debt but have made a lot of budget cuts and progress!!

We got rid of cable, the internet, and have made it a point to not eat out or purchase unnecessary overpriced coffee anymore. I’m making sure to buy produce that’s in season and trying my best to go through everything we have first before going to the store again.

It’s been hard but definitely worth it. Yes, I want to buy the cute boots that are on sale. It’s winter. I want the cozy sweaters, jackets, and skinny jeans. I want my girls to have new everything. I wish I could order yummy food and not have to clean up after cooking. I want I wish I want I wish.

I’m getting over it.

Live, love, laugh!

Winter walks.

I made a promise to myself yesterday. Walk every damn day. Granted they’re 10-15 minute walks but still. Baby steps.